That is one of the ways in which you can help your daughter and your son-in-law. She has a legal right to decide what she would do. As children grow and develop their fears grow and develop with them. They have a six-year-old child. Answer her questions expecting to be quoted to her mother and her father and expecting to be misquoted from time to time. Knee-jerk reactions come from self-protection. Part of coping with a shock such as this is to find blame; to make assumptions; to make judgements. Second, to take the situation at a pace you can manage and to ensure you have the support you need. Provided with a calming presence that never varies in its love.
Stresses and challenges to family dynamics can be solved simplistically and temporarily by recourse to rights and entitlements, power and authority. Protect your granddaughter as much as you can. Your part in this situation is twofold: There is no need to make a choice. There were the requisite tears from her and the proverbial deer-in-the-headlights look. I am so scared for my granddaughter. Fit in with her approach to her circumstances, rather than asking her to fit in with your approach to her circumstances. Rights clash; power struggles. Gently remind yourself of this to prevent yourself from becoming an authority on their relationship and their family. The sort of information you could start with includes professional support services: We support our son-in-law entirely. She may think she should have dated more before marriage. A couple of days ago my husband and I received an email from our daughter telling us she had been in an affair for three years with a friend of her husband. During this time keep in touch with your daughter, your granddaughter and your son-in-law. Now everything else has come into view. Her husband came around to talk to us. A man has suffered the worst assault a man can in the relationship. Fundamentally it is about the role of a person who would like to be supportive. She has ruined so many lives and does not see it. As children grow and develop their fears grow and develop with them. First of all help yourself. How can I help her, or do I? That said, the same is true of you and her husband. She does not know if she loves them, but he is kind and exciting. Provided with a calming presence that never varies in its love.
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