From the mutual suicides of Romeo and Juliet to even many of the most recent romantic movies, being obsessed with the object of one's love is often held up as something to aspire to rather than having the potentially devastating aftermath of the behaviors when the movies fade to black. We may act victimized and wounded by any comment or action that we can construe as disregarding or rejecting. In other words, a manipulative partner may go to great lengths to ensure that you spend most of your time with him. For example, your partner might threaten to leave you if you do not do exactly what he wants. Likewise, he may try to forbid you from seeking employment, choosing your own clothing, cutting your hair or making other basic day-to-day decisions. Enhance our sense of self — If insecurity is at the root of our possessive behavior, we have to start to look at ways to bring more self-compassion into our lives. It can involve persistent thoughts of the love object and wanting to spend every moment with that person. However, many couples find there can be a slippery slope from desiring a lover to wanting to own them.
Some helpful exercises for alleviating anxiety can be found on the website PsychAlive. Examples of that include controlling money or food and in extreme cases, stalking or using violence. Possessive individuals may become angry over seemingly minor incidents, such as if you arrive home 10 minutes late. You Are Being Controlled Controlling behaviors often signal a possessive relationship. In fact, attempts to exercise power over our partners actually serve to reduce and diminish our own attraction to them. There should be a proper balance, a well measured proportion between freedom and possession. The patterns and defenses we form growing up may have been adaptive to our childhood, but they can hurt our current relationships. Regardless of the level of possessiveness, such relationships are typically unhealthy. It can be linked with men, material and sometimes intangible things as well. Male alcoholics have been found to be particularly vulnerable to developing delusional jealousy. You Are Being Manipulated A possessive partner uses manipulative behavior. Any underlying mental illness should be treated with medication if appropriate. A healthy love relationship usually evolves over time such that it no longer involves the near desperate intensity and fervor of infatuation. Aside from delusional jealousy, obsessive love can be differentiated from a healthy love relationship by having addictive qualities. Jealousy Abounds A possessive person often expresses jealousy. Possessive behavior has various applications in real life. Individuals who suffer from delusional jealousy often interpret minor experiences like a coworker saying hello to their spouse or romantic partner looking at a passerby as positive proof that their loved one is being unfaithful. When we try to control someone close to us, we limit them in ways that make them less themselves. Possessive partners may also disrespect your career or academic choices. However, there are real steps we can take to break patterns of defensiveness and achieve an equal and trusting relationship. If the individual with obsessive love has begun to manifest threatening or otherwise dangerous behaviors, then legal interventions like involving the police and implementing restraining orders and safety plans may be necessary. We may have a lot of anxiety about their movement, fearing rejection or abandonment. Your Partner Has a Temper A short temper can be a warning sign. Thus, partners who see warning signs may want to look closely at the relationship, even if things seem to be going well. Treating obsessive love often involves psychotherapy for the sufferer and for their love object, particularly if the two people are currently in a relationship with each other. Plus, they lead us to feel bad about ourselves.
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