As a result, instead of finding the perfect relationship that they crave, narcissists end up repeating what I call the Narcissist Relationship Abuse Pattern. This may sound like a good sign, but it's not: He cheated on me. You continue reaching out to him in an attempt to get him back, but he is now in full retreat. They also accept that you are a separate person and have a right to your own ideas. They become angry, want to punish you, and may begin to get nasty.
They love everything about you; even your flaws seem like endearing idiosyncrasies. Will he come back? In the book Psychopath Free by Peace, the method of triangulation is discussed as a popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions. Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought. During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. They are outright insults: He cheated on me. They perceive two categories: The verbal abuse escalates until it is the main way your partner speaks to you. Now that they are safely out of the relationship and do not have to deliver on any of the promises that they made you, they are likely to be looking back on the relationship with nostalgia. Your idiosyncrasies no longer seem so adorable; now they are flaws. All this, unfortunately, does not do you, the ex, any good because even if they came back, they would leave you again…. The truth is that they were never actually in love with you; what they were in love with was the idea of being part of a perfect couple that everyone envied. This is why they are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people to get what they want. The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal and withholding patterns even though the expectations of frequent contact were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself. They would love you to make slight changes to please them, but if you really don't want to, they can accept that without devaluing you or losing interest in you. You were the love of their life. This degree of idealization is actually a sign that they are not seeing the real you at all. He is also getting slightly bored. Then he memorializes your perfect romance by posting pictures of the two of you on all the social media sites. Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self and you get a glimpse of the abuser that was lurking within all along. At this point that you can start to recognize the signs that this person may be a narcissist. They are in love with the courtship stage of dating and are not mature enough to deliver on their promises and move into a real relationship. He was in love with you, or at least with his own romantic fantasy of the two of you as the perfect couple.
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